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AngelOf_Darkness's FML badges
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AngelOf_Darkness's favorite FMLs
Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health
by nullpointer / 08/03/2016 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML
by anonymous / 07/07/2016 at 11:24am / United States / Work
by Code_Skull / 06/30/2016 at 2:53am / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Work
Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML
by ThirdWheelHell / 06/30/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by insert pussy pun, hurr durr / 06/29/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Reek / 06/22/2016 at 10:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML
by GoAggies / 06/21/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Utah) / Geek
Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML.
by Xerfox / 06/20/2016 at 4:34pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love
by Pissed / 06/20/2016 at 3:27pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I'm too nervous to take pictures of her 'cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML
by bushy brows / 01/04/2016 at 6:13pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 5:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML
Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML
by anon / 08/30/2015 at 2:20am / United States (Illinois) / Work
- Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is… Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between… Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not…