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AmeliaSH's favorite FMLs
Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML
by CapeRanger / 10/04/2009 at 2:13pm / South Africa (Limpopo) / Miscellaneous
Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML
by notliked / 10/01/2009 at 6:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML
by Finesse7791 / 09/20/2009 at 8:28am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML
by pussyOUT / 09/01/2009 at 2:30am / United States / Health
by roostergirl / 08/22/2009 at 11:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by bunny / 08/16/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
by 4yrldkicker / 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
by Nikse / 07/29/2009 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML
by Stranded / 07/17/2009 at 3:58am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML
by iJehx / 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
by Solemnwishing / 07/13/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML
by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 5:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML
by noyodel / 07/04/2009 at 12:04am / Italy / Transportation
- Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over…