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Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39169) - you deserved it (6641)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49846) - you deserved it (3138)
On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35284) - you deserved it (12811)
On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)
Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43834) - you deserved it (9427)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40848) - you deserved it (5331)
On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41316) - you deserved it (5323)
On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49209) - you deserved it (9295)
On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57305) - you deserved it (8131)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53901) - you deserved it (10982)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53366) - you deserved it (7618)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (14187)
On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43863) - you deserved it (5669)
On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16571) - you deserved it (65325)
On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34662) - you deserved it (7349)
On 04/26/2013 at 9:23am - animals - by revan546 - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44774) - you deserved it (18156)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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