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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
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Alpaca_BAMF's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by unluckydude / 06/29/2013 at 6:19pm / Colombia (Boyaca) / Transportation
by cheerbabeXoXo / 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Love
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
by patriarchal apparently / 06/29/2013 at 3:58pm / Saint Lucia / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm / Czech Republic / Transportation
Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 12:52pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML
by mskawaiibat / 06/29/2013 at 6:01am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
by Angry and Confused / 06/29/2013 at 5:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by bubblegum92 / 06/29/2013 at 4:02am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by damniphone / 06/29/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML
by arse-face / 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm / Ireland (Clare) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work