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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7941
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Alpaca_BAMF's page activity

Visits<b>lfgiraffe</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 1:39pm<b>BirdieCurls</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 8:43pm<b>jane00</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 10:31pm<b>Robbieisadowg</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 6:53pm<b>ohdannyboyy</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 7:35pm<b>flames57323</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 9:26pm<b>haylburg</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 10:58pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 4:10am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 6:23am<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 9:45am<b>ArtinHopar</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 12:02pm<b>downzi104</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 3:28am<b>Faith13</b> - the 07/02/2013 at 7:39pm<b>KiddNYC1O</b> - the 07/02/2013 at 2:54pm<b>RZW</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 1:53pm<b>sparkin</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 2:53pm<b>elmassapilo</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 12:49pm<b>xXHollowIchigoXx</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 8:03am

Alpaca_BAMF's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of Alpaca_BAMF's badges

Alpaca_BAMF's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

by ScoozieBooze / 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 10:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

by you're just creepy. / 12/11/2012 at 3:39am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

by Adan / 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

by mdg / 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

by mountains / 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2012 at 1:50pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States / Work

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 6:36am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

by jdch_99 / 11/03/2012 at 1:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

by inthefamily / 10/23/2012 at 9:29am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health