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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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AlmothePirate

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AlmothePirate
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 859
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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AlmothePirate's favorite FMLs

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

#9184901 (388)

I agree, your life sucks (42943) - you deserved it (4389)

On 03/18/2010 at 11:22am - health - by human torch - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

#9157665 (365)

I agree, your life sucks (55926) - you deserved it (4159)

On 03/17/2010 at 11:38am - love - by david (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

#9157447 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (19994) - you deserved it (3204)

On 03/17/2010 at 11:22am - misc - by socksoffire (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

#9155456 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (3957) - you deserved it (57623)

On 03/17/2010 at 7:51am - misc - by KobraKommander - Sent from mobile version

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man 'discretely' jerking it. FML

#9152447 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (25573) - you deserved it (2833)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

#9143571 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (29213) - you deserved it (2026)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm - misc - by disturbed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

#9138869 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (4884) - you deserved it (24714)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:03pm - misc - by Midge (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

#9135717 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (3170)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:51pm - animals - by Adam (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208 (337)

I agree, your life sucks (20528) - you deserved it (5173)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

#9129865 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (20657) - you deserved it (3702)

On 03/16/2010 at 11:30am - work - by slickboy0023 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

#9110965 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (30849) - you deserved it (6136)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

#9087167 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (12773) - you deserved it (5914)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835 (241)

I agree, your life sucks (19045) - you deserved it (3546)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

#9070560 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (16820) - you deserved it (7205)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

#9041294 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (24037) - you deserved it (1518)

On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)