Allysmo

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Allysmo

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 29 May 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 409
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Allysmo : "This is 5'10 of pure AWESOME!!!"-My twin

Allysmo's page activity

Visits<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 1:06pm<b>qwerty401</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 9:59am<b>crackmore278</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 2:25pm<b>Zombotic_Kitteh</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 5:14pm

Allysmo's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of Allysmo's badges

Allysmo's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2012 at 5:45am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

by madseason / 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

by Janitor / 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2011 at 9:27pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

by Wisconsin love / 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

by _RobotInDisguise / 12/09/2009 at 6:47pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous