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Offline (the 09/13/2016 at 12:54am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3120
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Allusivness : Derp

Allusivness's page activity

Visits<b>Rababco</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 3:59pm<b>xCoLToNx</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 7:14pm<b>shaylinchan</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:14pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 11:01pm<b>watermelon15</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 10:34am<b>Envy22</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 10:32pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 2:12am<b>remometol</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 5:48pm<b>mj0101</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 10:00pm<b>theoldman</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:42pm<b>chudun</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 2:09pm<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:07am<b>demamcgirl16</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 6:09am<b>Jordan_McD124</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 4:11pm<b>MothaTeresa</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 3:54pm<b>evanvoss</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 3:07pm<b>usernameplz</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 2:33pm<b>balboa_2</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:48pm

Fucked!<b>watermelon15</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:34pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:32am<b>3051628</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 7:12pm<b>shootex</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 5:34pm<b>AnxiousBitch</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 7:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 3:43pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 7:19pm

Allusivness's FML badges


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Allusivness's badges

Allusivness's favorite FMLs

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

by anonymous / 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2015 at 11:58am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Money

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

by anon / 08/31/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

by abbshows / 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

by FML / 07/24/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm / Work

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy