About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.
Allornone's FML badges
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Allornone's favorite FMLs
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by The_Taxman / 08/20/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
by leftwardfoil / 08/19/2011 at 2:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML
by Tireddddddd / 07/31/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by illenram06 / 07/11/2011 at 11:37am / Philippines (Roxas) / Love
by Ben / 06/18/2011 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
- Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her…