Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Allornone

Search for a member

Allornone
  • Town/Country : Miami, FL, U.S.
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1683
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

Allornone's last visitors

Narttuchinaski7628ireply_wlyricslambdaSouthernLady12Rainhawk94jtthegr8tea_brewersarcasticlover1tsmenoah

Allornone's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102963) - you deserved it (13929)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10135) - you deserved it (28931)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28420) - you deserved it (4101)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37840) - you deserved it (2124)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

#14789249
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33028) - you deserved it (4078)

On 01/31/2011 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by yournick (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

#14092737
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23330) - you deserved it (2069)

On 12/05/2010 at 4:30am - misc - by momoffour (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

#13726348
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12603) - you deserved it (41219)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm - kids - by lilmamma - United States (California)

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

#13699572
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23797) - you deserved it (3195)

On 11/03/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by shunned (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

#13624123
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52150) - you deserved it (4166)

On 10/28/2010 at 5:26am - love - by monogamous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

#13608435
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26935) - you deserved it (3468)

On 10/26/2010 at 10:46pm - misc - by zzzgrady - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10239) - you deserved it (33481)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#13401139
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25925) - you deserved it (4361)

On 10/11/2010 at 12:34am - love - by JLD - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28824) - you deserved it (26805)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: