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Allornone

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Allornone

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3986
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

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Allornone's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

#18005142
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52810) - you deserved it (4887)

On 10/17/2011 at 6:02am - love - by bubba - China

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (9231)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

Today, my girlfriend of two years confessed that she'd gotten married. But not to worry: she only did it for "tax reasons." FML

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35715) - you deserved it (9792)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53363) - you deserved it (3279)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

#17316346
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32988) - you deserved it (3015)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Tireddddddd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42761) - you deserved it (3342)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34265) - you deserved it (7158)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

#17065483
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44417) - you deserved it (6275)

On 07/11/2011 at 11:37am - misc - by illenram06 - Philippines (Roxas)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32979) - you deserved it (20281)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114090) - you deserved it (16034)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13370) - you deserved it (39655)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29765) - you deserved it (4224)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43050) - you deserved it (2727)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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