Allornone

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Allornone

56Fucked!

AllornoneAllornone
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7513
  • Number of comments : 163
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.

Allornone's page activity

Visits<b>larouche362</b> - yesterday at 2:46pm<b>Maximusmime</b> - yesterday at 5:45am<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 10:32am<b>flyingflies</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 10:35pm<b>TheTacoMan</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 8:13pm<b>moonlight77</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 1:31am<b>abNormal62</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 7:36am<b>BonerFart</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 12:58pm<b>mycockforpussy</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 1:23pm<b>pancakebunny</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 7:06pm<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 5:45pm<b>Rozeyyy</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 12:45pm<b>domolovesyoshi</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 6:58am<b>LPac5295</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 12:29am<b>Jiratias</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 6:23am<b>chewsef</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 12:56am<b>jow96</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 11:15pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 10:32pm

Fucked!<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 4:32pm<b>mycockforpussy</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 7:23pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 4:32am<b>pancakebunny</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 3:55am<b>AChaoticFray</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 1:53am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 5:01am<b>koink</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 6:42am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 4:17am<b>Rotciv01</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 3:08pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 5:13pm<b>Grisha</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 5:43am<b>XandWacky</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 9:11pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 7:01pm<b>Sleep_lover654</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 7:09am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 10:24am<b>INDYSTRUCTABLE</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 4:50am<b>Cyntha</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 1:05pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 7:21am

Allornone's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

by StillBetterThanTwilight / 08/28/2012 at 11:56am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

by banana2894 / 08/10/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

by tapeissticky591 / 07/14/2012 at 1:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

by hotpatata / 07/06/2012 at 11:03am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

by stalked / 05/28/2012 at 2:24am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

by stalked / 05/28/2012 at 2:24am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

by intheairtonight / 04/25/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

by beleria / 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous