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Allornone

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Allornone
  • Town/Country : Miami, FL, U.S.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 317
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

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Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (28365)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23934) - you deserved it (3219)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37104) - you deserved it (2096)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

#14789249
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (3389)

On 01/31/2011 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by yournick (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

#14092737
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22702) - you deserved it (2047)

On 12/05/2010 at 4:30am - misc - by momoffour (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

#13699572
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23193) - you deserved it (3153)

On 11/03/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by shunned (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

#13624123
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (3270)

On 10/28/2010 at 5:26am - love - by monogamous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8471) - you deserved it (25348)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#13401139
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22580) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/11/2010 at 12:34am - love - by JLD - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24810) - you deserved it (21134)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

#11225858
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49591) - you deserved it (5474)

On 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

#8699451
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19066) - you deserved it (4653)

On 02/27/2010 at 8:32pm - love - by dejected (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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