Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Allornone

Online | Search for a member

Allornone

39Fucked!

AllornoneAllornone
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6581
  • Number of comments : 140
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.

Allornone's page activity

Visits<b>jentrynicole</b> - yesterday at 12:32am<b>bigirlsrockoxox</b> - yesterday at 10:35pm<b>yourmomshotfirst</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 9:52am<b>ajahchenae</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 7:51pm<b>lunar999</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:08am<b>LonelyLulllaby</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 4:45pm<b>lukian</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:32pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 4:11am<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 7:37am<b>panromantic</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:33pm<b>AnagenisisZagus</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 10:52am<b>samwilliams800</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 8:57am<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 6:57am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 1:21am<b>Cyntha</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 11:28pm<b>kdkb36</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 1:44am<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 4:33pm<b>kawayi</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 8:41pm

Fucked!<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 7:21am<b>W31rdG1rl</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:42pm<b>Sirin</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:29am<b>mnurfles</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 8:05am<b>Hrodrik</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:04pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 1:32pm<b>nitros15</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 7:01am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 7:51pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 5:45am<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 3:48pm<b>klawzor</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 4:40am<b>lovethatstach</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:32pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 5:35pm<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 7:58pm<b>Umbraelux</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 9:17pm<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 5:08pm<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 6:16am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 4:52pm

Allornone's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
154 comments

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
154 comments

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19043) - you deserved it (3516)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

#20089025
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32903) - you deserved it (1901)

On 09/26/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ahappypenguin -

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

#20069063
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36382) - you deserved it (4125)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28491) - you deserved it (5479)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

#20046142
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22895) - you deserved it (2443)

On 08/28/2012 at 11:56am - love - by StillBetterThanTwilight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27088) - you deserved it (2349)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25897) - you deserved it (3270)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12001) - you deserved it (34742)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34079) - you deserved it (4021)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34079) - you deserved it (4021)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

#19899616
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32190) - you deserved it (2089)

On 07/06/2012 at 11:03am - misc - by hotpatata - United States

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45567) - you deserved it (4266)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: