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Allornone

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Allornone

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2501
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

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Allornone's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34744) - you deserved it (2846)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26773) - you deserved it (1896)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15688) - you deserved it (3050)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

#20089025
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28768) - you deserved it (1623)

On 09/26/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ahappypenguin -

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

#20069063
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32355) - you deserved it (3728)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24563) - you deserved it (4988)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

#20046142
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19438) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/28/2012 at 11:56am - love - by StillBetterThanTwilight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22517) - you deserved it (2890)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10081) - you deserved it (31410)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29820) - you deserved it (3568)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29820) - you deserved it (3568)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

#19899616
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (1835)

On 07/06/2012 at 11:03am - misc - by hotpatata - United States

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML



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