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Allornone

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Allornone
  • Town/Country : Miami, FL, U.S.
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1675
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

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Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

#20178576
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (1342)

On 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Username (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

#20163953
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28989) - you deserved it (2506)

On 11/15/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by WentInABush (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, due to a health insurance mix up, my schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convinced I can read her mind, and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit my throat in my sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML

#20159457
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19480) - you deserved it (1872)

On 11/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18706) - you deserved it (9364)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34921) - you deserved it (1507)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21178) - you deserved it (1751)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

#20148958
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (2192)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30430) - you deserved it (2133)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8977) - you deserved it (37148)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you deserved it (1060)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30443) - you deserved it (2480)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (1687)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14744) - you deserved it (2915)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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