Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Allornone

Offline (9 hours ago) | Search for a member

Allornone

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3037
  • Number of comments : 96
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

Allornone's page activity

Visits<b>BlankSteve</b> - yesterday at 11:36pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 12:24am<b>mjnelson</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Fluttershybrony</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 2:58am<b>singer0421</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:39am<b>btob143</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 6:22pm<b>tournamentdecide</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:57pm<b>Nexoux</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 2:58am<b>schwaka</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 12:14pm<b>MythicalPanda</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:08am<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 9:57am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 8:09am<b>jerryj</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 7:20am<b>PokeZilla</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 4:42pm<b>emmaaadotcom</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 2:38pm<b>stepherz89</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:03am<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 10:55pm<b>Thoms34</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 6:48am

Allornone's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50090) - you deserved it (7075)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

#20592364
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65615) - you deserved it (3996)

On 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm - love - by lonely (woman) - United States

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60600) - you deserved it (20242)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35424) - you deserved it (4840)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43595) - you deserved it (4362)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

#20560730
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49041) - you deserved it (6491)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

#20556205
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43547) - you deserved it (3230)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

#20550555
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43535) - you deserved it (4416)

On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

#20547328
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (6802)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:25am - kids - by hejdixjeln - United States (Illinois)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41786) - you deserved it (15694)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

#20532138
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31859) - you deserved it (12517)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33641) - you deserved it (2631)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

#20480667
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (17037)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

#20462592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14882) - you deserved it (27266)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:28pm - misc - by Kendra_Nine (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: