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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8276
  • Number of comments : 180
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.

Allornone's page activity

Visits<b>lizzypacker</b> - the 10/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>Bquillero16</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 10:45am<b>Ni_knight_mp</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 8:19pm<b>AdorableDave</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 11:24pm<b>jupiterdjay</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 11:47am<b>kintoki25</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 11:41am<b>watermelon15</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 11:27am<b>SuperDani</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 9:44am<b>duduv2</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 1:04am<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 10:47pm<b>angiesluvstacooo</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 8:31pm<b>UUUHQ</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 7:35pm<b>TheGamingNirvana</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 4:30pm<b>domolovesyoshi</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 2:27pm<b>nonsensical</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 12:14pm<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 10:55am<b>fitnessgram</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 7:56am<b>Rozza17</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 7:42am

Fucked!<b>Mons</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 9:51pm<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 3:05am<b>5t3ff1k4h</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 9:45pm<b>Spudnik</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 9:54pm<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 4:32pm<b>mycockforpussy</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 7:23pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 4:32am<b>pancakebunny</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 3:55am<b>AChaoticFray</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 1:53am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 5:01am<b>koink</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 6:42am<b>Rotciv01</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 3:08pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 5:13pm<b>Grisha</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 5:43am<b>XandWacky</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 9:11pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 7:01pm<b>Sleep_lover654</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 7:09am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 10:24am

Allornone's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of Allornone's badges

Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

by D: / 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Health

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

by ktiskool / 08/01/2013 at 12:03am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

by mtr1594 / 07/31/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Nevada) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays