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Offline (the 09/20/2014 at 6:19am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 933
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allennis44 : Putting effort into this bio seems like a lot if work, so forget that. The incredible laziness in me is already showing...

Yes, my picture is me being a douchebag with sunglasses, but that's totally not who I am!

Message me if you wanna learn more about me, cause I'm pretty cool (at least I think so...).

I also noticed this trend on FML where people post crazy repetitive puns and I just wanna say that they make me want to shoot myself. Dear god, these puns are fucking awful.

Allennis44's page activity

Visits<b>atinytoebean</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 11:57pm<b>Minnieal28</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 5:33am<b>MuslimShady</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 4:05am<b>stvnmailloux</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 5:40pm<b>UserNamePending</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 9:25pm<b>BritSkits</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 9:16pm<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 10:51pm<b>Darren22</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 8:11am<b>Lumen94</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 6:03pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 6:54pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 7:49pm<b>pumboc</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 8:21pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 7:48am<b>alllisonnn</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 6:49pm<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 3:37am<b>cat_marie</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 11:47pm<b>asoullefttolose</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:06am<b>rainbow_llamas</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 9:14pm

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Allennis44's favorite FMLs

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm / Belgium / Animals

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

by Are you f*cking kidding me / 06/12/2013 at 2:10am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm / Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie) / Intimacy

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

by sleepy momma / 06/02/2013 at 2:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents were artists when they met. My mom said that I was one of their best projects yet. My sister, hearing what my mother said, broke my week-old PS3 in a rage. FML

by H1dd3n / 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

by windshitwipers / 05/30/2013 at 5:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids