About AllKnowingTurtle : I realize that creativity is looked upon in this section. Honestly, I'm just trying to fill the blank spaces up.
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AllKnowingTurtle's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2014 at 4:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
by fuck you, tasha / 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by Ljiljka / 08/01/2014 at 10:37am / Serbia / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML
by betrayed / 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by justthinkofyourhand / 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love
by Sun_Kissed18 / 07/09/2014 at 3:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML
by madamefuxalittle / 07/08/2014 at 4:52pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML
by HazingNight / 07/02/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Charitable / 06/30/2014 at 1:02am / United States (California) / Money
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