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Alkpwn

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Alkpwn
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 124
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Alkpwn's last visitors

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Alkpwn's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Alkpwn's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35606) - you deserved it (5542)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18650) - you deserved it (46296)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

#21080429
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32927) - you deserved it (7738)

On 03/07/2014 at 10:41am - misc - by scaredypants123 - United States

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40753) - you deserved it (13931)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23572) - you deserved it (60316)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35487) - you deserved it (6314)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32165) - you deserved it (4891)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32228) - you deserved it (9797) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21719) - you deserved it (2122)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found the courage to tell my drug addict husband that I'm leaving him. He sat in his chair, denying using drugs, ever. Right after he said this, he passed out and spilled hot coffee on himself. He then denied spilling the coffee. As I was leaving, he took all of my shoes. FML

#17924214
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28174) - you deserved it (2753)

On 10/06/2011 at 10:53pm - love - by stacyyvonne - United States (Florida)

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

#8435501
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (2896)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:24am - animals - by OMGraven (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16269) - you deserved it (26798)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)



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