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Alkpwn

Offline (the 02/05/2016 at 1:22am) | Search for a member

Alkpwn

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 683
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Alkpwn's page activity

Visits<b>eminemineminem</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:47am<b>JayVicious</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:43pm<b>thebestgirl105</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 4:17am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 10:39pm<b>FracturedMinds</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 11:20pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 9:27pm<b>brainbleachplz</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 11:25pm<b>luke_nylan</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 7:02pm<b>Mistress420xX</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 3:19pm<b>Typicall</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 7:32am<b>Turbo_Turtle</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 5:19pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 09/17/2013 at 6:31am<b>punkyboy</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 5:43pm<b>stonage81</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 5:12am<b>sfi20</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 12:49pm

Alkpwn's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of Alkpwn's badges

Alkpwn's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a dump at work. I had my two-way radio attached to the back of my belt. When I stood up and pulled my pants up, I managed to send the antenna straight up my butt. FML

#21520186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19818) - you deserved it (4331)

On 01/27/2016 at 7:29pm - misc - by poopsicle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

#21514709
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16617) - you deserved it (17660)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm - animals - by parasheeeet (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

#21483925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22649) - you deserved it (3547)

On 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

#21473108
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21485) - you deserved it (5228)

On 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by oops - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

#21284616
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36500) - you deserved it (2872)

On 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33995) - you deserved it (6940)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50361) - you deserved it (6890)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

#21124429
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38835) - you deserved it (5918)

On 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by failureatlife - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (7151)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23628) - you deserved it (57585)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

#21080429
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36957) - you deserved it (8816)

On 03/07/2014 at 10:41am - misc - by scaredypants123 - United States

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51384) - you deserved it (18778)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML



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