Alicestraza

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Offline (the 12/30/2015 at 7:22pm)

Alicestraza

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AlicestrazaAlicestraza
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 September 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7049
  • Number of comments : 238
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Alicestraza : 💖💜💙

Alicestraza's page activity

Visits<b>HeatherFeatherB</b> - yesterday at 12:49am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 1:19pm<b>captain_hero89</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 7:42pm<b>thatguy1531</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 8:43am<b>pred8885</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 5:06pm<b>I_Like_Boobs</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 4:56am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 12:52am<b>Zatalmas</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 9:19am<b>frankmz</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 1:44am<b>ZeroDark30</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 7:27pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 3:10am<b>Weemandarin</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 5:30pm<b>Robby2448</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 9:56am<b>shjoh</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 11:59am<b>Ezellianna</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 6:33pm<b>supermarxiste75</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 5:21pm<b>am1717</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 12:38am<b>nikkibodnarchuk</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 12:04am

Fucked!<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 9:10am<b>Robby2448</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 3:57pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 1:53pm<b>minimanion</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 4:35am<b>TheDragonsGuard</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 11:03pm<b>pd2902</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 2:36am<b>juice_33</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 12:32am<b>abby1212</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 10:37pm<b>hasanjk</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 5:33am<b>apineapple</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 5:51am<b>thee_most_dope</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 6:29pm<b>missycanfly</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 10:19pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 5:15am<b>koganti</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 5:42pm<b>kreesan</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 7:41pm<b>zoulou48</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 4:21pm<b>Zurg_676</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 4:41am<b>zjay</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:36am

Alicestraza's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Alicestraza's badges

Alicestraza's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

by ouchbrow / 08/10/2013 at 5:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:54am / France / Love

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

by Serum / 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

by fuck people / 08/02/2013 at 4:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

by psychic parents, how do they work? :( / 07/31/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

by RayneWolf13 / 07/31/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

by Bug8Frog / 07/30/2013 at 2:42am / United States (Alaska) / Animals

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm / Finland / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

by picklebug / 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health