Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Alicestraza

Offline (9 hours ago) | Search for a member

Alicestraza

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 15 September 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1721
  • Number of comments : 224
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Alicestraza : .

Alicestraza's page activity

Visits<b>terryaly</b> - 14 hours ago<b>krisnick</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 1:38am<b>akirazoey</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 6:43am<b>GoodGuyForSure</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 12:43am<b>moksha</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:48am<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 5:12pm<b>Ayezed</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:04am<b>child_of_3_girls</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:57pm<b>wilburhp</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 5:31am<b>soccer8goalie</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 12:15am<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 5:53am<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:20pm<b>utrax</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:10pm<b>lela12344</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:53am<b>Han1156</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 8:20am<b>tfrogjump</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 3:40pm<b>burninsnow</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:48am<b>cjrust</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 11:55pm

Alicestraza's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of Alicestraza's badges

Alicestraza's favorite FMLs

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

#20817315
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45587) - you deserved it (2779)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:58pm - misc - by fuck people (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51637) - you deserved it (11155)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

#20813928
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29410) - you deserved it (42692)

On 07/31/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by psychic parents, how do they work? :( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

#20812881
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47130) - you deserved it (7960)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:31am - love - by RayneWolf13 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

#20812086
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49012) - you deserved it (5450)

On 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42510) - you deserved it (6010)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44571) - you deserved it (7882)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64759) - you deserved it (6571)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47674) - you deserved it (9210)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

#20802373
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45602) - you deserved it (7458)

On 07/25/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47837) - you deserved it (26802)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56040) - you deserved it (11953)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41619) - you deserved it (9006)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45134) - you deserved it (3484)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

#20793723
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45081) - you deserved it (7527)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by solitaire - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: