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Alicestraza's favorite FMLs
Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML
by shadyladyhh / 09/09/2014 at 5:00pm / United States / Work
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous
by the3goatlady / 09/01/2014 at 12:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML
by emilyparker / 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML
by sam_666777 / 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML
by jayswizzle89 / 07/29/2014 at 3:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love
by IAMALITAHA / 06/27/2014 at 2:11am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work
Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML
by not_this_shit_again / 04/09/2014 at 8:37am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML
by Ma_Nikka / 03/19/2014 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML
by HanBroman / 03/17/2014 at 4:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by biwhat / 03/08/2014 at 4:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love