Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

AliceLockehart

Offline (the 02/26/2014 at 1:18am) | Search for a member

AliceLockehart

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 754
  • Number of comments : 148
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About AliceLockehart : - Alice
- 21
- Vegan
- Music

AliceLockehart's page activity

Visits<b>wondercat40</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 5:14pm<b>UberNova</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 9:50pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 2:37pm<b>silverfox323</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 7:36am<b>Ayoomoofie</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 3:31pm<b>charlielowe</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 2:17pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 10:27am<b>A7X_all_the_way</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 5:22pm<b>fefemooms</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 8:07am<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 6:52am<b>LiterOfCola</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 8:10pm<b>Kkkdawg</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 7:11pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 3:25pm<b>pompelop</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 2:39pm<b>megstiel</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 1:12pm<b>whirlednews</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 11:54am<b>dfens</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 7:36am<b>melons</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 5:31am

AliceLockehart's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of AliceLockehart's badges

AliceLockehart's favorite FMLs

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

#21146042
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (8056)

On 05/20/2014 at 5:54am - misc - by sothishappened (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61054) - you deserved it (25673)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46930) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47533) - you deserved it (8925)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

#20852114
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44358) - you deserved it (3158)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to find the exact item I wanted later while out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8708) - you deserved it (50197)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (3285)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33973) - you deserved it (6115)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

#20185014
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20832) - you deserved it (4094)

On 11/30/2012 at 3:33am - work - by onlyslightly (woman) - United States

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

#19879190
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22914) - you deserved it (2655)

On 07/02/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

#19749863
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17770) - you deserved it (34208)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

#19742192
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (2451)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

#19742192
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (2451)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: