About Ali_Br : I try not to be serious in anything I say on here. My humor is sometimes morbid, So most of the advice I give will lead you down a dark alley with two shaded figures holding something shiny...Or not. ;) I'm a college graduate. I have decided to submit an FML for every year of my life. Hey, why not?I usually use an iPod for this site, so I do not always capitalize at the beginning of sentences (especially since I write a lot.) I try not to be a grammar Nazi. We are all human, (Except for those who state otherwise lqtms) and mistakes happen. C'est la vie. I like French, and finally got to study it in college, so I read VDM and MDR whenever I understand the stories. (Oh, and while you are reading my profile, I'm not interested in internet dating. Many times while scrolling with my iPod, my finger hits a picture, and it opens up a profile. Sorry, unless your pic has small words that require a closer view of the pic to read, it was most likely an accident)
Ali_Br's FML badges
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Ali_Br's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by CaityLovesBo / 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
by ABBenzin / 02/01/2012 at 11:11am / United States / Work
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Username / 01/28/2012 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML
by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by messyvictor / 01/28/2012 at 11:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by pirsquared / 01/27/2012 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
by ohdear / 10/31/2011 at 11:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
by ohgawd / 10/08/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Hairytoes / 10/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 5:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…