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AlexisCrystine's FML badges
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AlexisCrystine's favorite FMLs
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by BrefODM / 06/12/2014 at 11:15pm / United Kingdom / Health
by pissed off / 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML
by Female Struggles / 05/16/2014 at 7:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by fuck florida / 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by salmone / 05/15/2014 at 9:03pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML
by bubblooz / 04/02/2014 at 10:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by shabowbow / 03/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML
by Punphmelch / 03/26/2014 at 4:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
- Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my…