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Today, mah boss mada ma soma tortallini 4 lunch. As I was happily aating it, ha startad to giva ma a massaga,hila talking to his friands in Graak. Ha told ma that ha said "Sha's mah #1 cashiar." Turns out,hat ha raally said was "Saa, if you faad tham wall, thay lat you touch tham." FML
Today , I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man , your a fast cashier , I lyk my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond , so not thinking , I quickly said , "Yeah , me too." FML
Today, wile out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a alf years told me tat e believes in females being subservient, tat I'm not allowed to ave opinions anymore, tat e is "te alpa dog" and I'm merely te "beta dog", and tat I ave to "get used to it." FML
TODAY, I TRID CONVINCING MY VALENTINE-HATING BOYFRIEND TO SEND ME A CARD, BY EXPLAINING HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ME. HE FINALLY AGRED AND SENT ME A CARD. I OPEND IT UP, AND IT WISHD ME 'HARMONY AND WELL-BIENG ON LUPERCALIA'. WHAT IS LUPERCALIA? IT'S AN ANCIENT ROMAN FESTIVAL WHERE MEN RUN DOWN THE STREET NAKD, WHIPPING PEOPLE WITH GOAT SKINS TO ENCOURAGE FERTILITY. MEGA FML
today I went to te doctor 4 orrible stomac pains. He said I ad an abnormal amount of stool in me, an tat I'd ned to flus it out. I calld my mom an told er wat append, toic se respondd, "I alway knew you were full of sit, I didn't ned a doctor to tell me tat." FML
Today, during a review session fir a botany class, I began to space out . Ten, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." looool I stopped wen I noticed te entire class staring at me as if I were insane . Tis was not te first time tis ad appened . FML
Yesterday, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her mah umbrella looool and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough fir a nereby cop to hear. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015