Alan2

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Offline (the 10/25/2014 at 7:24am)

Alan2

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 August 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2537
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Alan2 : I love music more than anything. It's a release and it's how I connect with people. Also, House is pretty cool.

Alan2's page activity

Visits<b>boring_boredom</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 11:33pm<b>itsalanis</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:21pm<b>coried91</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 12:47pm<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 12:25pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 12:12am<b>southernbelle_rn</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 10:57pm<b>WTheSlug</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 7:48pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 2:21am<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 9:04pm<b>Bootrick</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 12:41pm<b>Blixamarkham</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 2:21am<b>MickiJ</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 11:43pm<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 2:43pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 5:45am<b>Dreamer4094</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 12:30am<b>lec17</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 11:53pm<b>friedchickenpie</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 4:23pm<b>theWulff</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 1:54pm

Alan2's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Alan2's badges

Alan2's favorite FMLs

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

by Ren / 12/28/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

by Alone / 12/28/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Love

Today, I was burgled while I was on the toilet. FML

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

by stillshakinggd / 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

by kise / 11/28/2012 at 1:20am / Health

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

by Sam l. / 11/10/2012 at 1:51am / United States / Animals

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

by Andrew / 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML