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Offline (the 10/25/2014 at 7:24am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 August 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2722
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Alan2 : I love music more than anything. It's a release and it's how I connect with people. Also, House is pretty cool.

Alan2's page activity

Visits<b>boring_boredom</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 11:33pm<b>itsalanis</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:21pm<b>coried91</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 12:47pm<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 12:25pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 12:12am<b>southernbelle_rn</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 10:57pm<b>WTheSlug</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 7:48pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 2:21am<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 9:04pm<b>Bootrick</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 12:41pm<b>Blixamarkham</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 2:21am<b>MickiJ</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 11:43pm<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 2:43pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 5:45am<b>Dreamer4094</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 12:30am<b>lec17</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 11:53pm<b>friedchickenpie</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 4:23pm<b>theWulff</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 1:54pm

Alan2's FML badges

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Alan2's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

by OweLotsaMoney / 09/05/2013 at 11:49am / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

by IGOTIT / 09/05/2013 at 3:24am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

by fml / 09/03/2013 at 2:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

by nice guys finish last / 08/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

by ImNotFat / 08/07/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

by kayak probs / 07/30/2013 at 10:13am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

by MarkQ95 / 07/21/2013 at 7:58pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous