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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Why am I up so early?
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Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in looool the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To mah horror, he pulled in behind me and asked wat I was doing at his house. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said it's a good thing, because it was a ( mutual decision ), and that while she wouldn't mind staying together, I was the one who wanted to split, and she respected my decision. I wish I had been a part of this delusional conversation. FML
Today, wilst stacking te dis waser I dropped a steak knife . Luckily, I caugt it just before it it ma foot . I fist-pumped to celebrate ma amazing catc an stabbed myself in te ceek . My parents couldn't stop lauging all te way to te ospital . fat FML
Today, I called mah wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant . She didn't answer . Instead she showed up at mah work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off mah desk . FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation an having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just poopd out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, an I'm still going. I've passd the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Today, I cummed ome from out of state. I found out someone online ad told my usband tat te "fumes" from ot sowers can be letal. As a precaution, e removed te draft-blocking batroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML
I walkd out onto te driveway to find ma mom standing on te wet pavement... screaming at te worms tat ad come out after te rain... saying tat tey were "on private property" and tat tey were "trespassing." All of our niegbor ad come out of tere ouse to watc. FML
Friday 27 March 2015