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Agnesia's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
Agnesia's favorite FMLs
by pheonixxe / 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm / United States (Wyoming) / Kids
by pissed / 05/10/2015 at 10:34am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 1:58am / Finland / Work
Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML
by Notthatone / 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML
by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe / 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
by numbtongue / 03/13/2015 at 12:19am / New Zealand (Otago) / Health
Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML
by teecrafter2038 / 03/12/2015 at 10:07am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 7:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by oh well / 03/10/2015 at 9:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML
by CrazyInLove / 03/10/2015 at 2:02am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML
by MyMomIsInsane / 03/09/2015 at 8:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by no touching / 03/06/2015 at 9:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by frediqqq / 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…