About AgentSmith79 : You can find me on Facebook! I'm Josh Mohawk. I live in Florida, and my Facebook profile pic is of my chest and torso painted black and gold like Brass Body from "The Man With The Iron Fists". I'm a body paint model, and I also paint other people :)
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML
I agree, your life sucks (23208) - you deserved it (2799)
On 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12789) - you deserved it (3582)
On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)
Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22439) - you deserved it (1987)
On 03/18/2012 at 7:06am - work - by Alli.M - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18530) - you deserved it (7430)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)
Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3641) - you deserved it (24764)
On 02/21/2012 at 2:00am - misc - by Bellend (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38598) - you deserved it (6349)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore
Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (7014)
On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37291) - you deserved it (6938)
On 10/31/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Andrew - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16142) - you deserved it (7108)
On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23023) - you deserved it (12639)
On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6279) - you deserved it (126610)
On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13161) - you deserved it (7256)
On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15852) - you deserved it (3023)
On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15572) - you deserved it (2488)
On 08/30/2011 at 8:16am - misc - by wtf (man) - India (Delhi)
Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17268) - you deserved it (1530)
On 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm - misc - by TheJazzKid - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
