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AgentSmith79

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AgentSmith79

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1024
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About AgentSmith79 : You can find me on Facebook! I'm Josh Mohawk. I live in Florida, and my Facebook profile pic is of my chest and torso painted black and gold like Brass Body from "The Man With The Iron Fists". I'm a body paint model, and I also paint other people :)

AgentSmith79's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 5:55pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:28pm<b>blackwidowtaco</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 6:28pm<b>AudreySucks</b> - the 05/19/2013 at 3:21pm<b>nirpat</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 6:13pm<b>MTLATP</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 7:50am<b>grad2017</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 8:23am<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 7:29pm<b>appelflap</b> - the 04/06/2013 at 1:17pm<b>SierraaaNicoleee</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 1:52pm<b>bambi1989</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 3:56am<b>darrenjoe</b> - the 03/31/2013 at 5:38pm<b>chelleFML</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 10:13am<b>bikergirl93</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 6:55am<b>Chompzone</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 2:13am<b>raphanne</b> - the 02/20/2013 at 6:52am<b>IAmJad</b> - the 01/23/2013 at 8:02am<b>outoftown</b> - the 08/14/2012 at 7:20pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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AgentSmith79's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

#19667641
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (3831)

On 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

#19597965
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18063) - you deserved it (4928)

On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

#19299225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (2765)

On 03/18/2012 at 7:06am - work - by Alli.M - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

#19296842
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25049) - you deserved it (10130)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

#19129021
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5047) - you deserved it (35877)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:00am - misc - by Bellend (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

#18334603
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45006) - you deserved it (7016)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

#18136317
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24942) - you deserved it (9424)

On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

#18117360
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45294) - you deserved it (8901)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Andrew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21454) - you deserved it (9575)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29899) - you deserved it (17610)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (180814)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17435) - you deserved it (8068)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20330) - you deserved it (3473)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

#17619840
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20555) - you deserved it (3490)

On 08/30/2011 at 8:16am - misc - by wtf (man) - India (Delhi)



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