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Adiedee's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
by Nails / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML
by Lily / 02/21/2009 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML
by Thatkid / 02/18/2009 at 9:29am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by ouchmynose / 02/17/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
by mags / 02/16/2009 at 10:05am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
by janedoe / 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by J / 02/11/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML
by Jenny / 02/08/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Noname / 02/06/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by kprice6 / 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML
by BillLumberg / 02/03/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Xpresss / 02/02/2009 at 5:39am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
by Noname / 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals