About Adeptasaurus : Been stalking the FML app for years before I made this. Upcoming professional commenter; just give me some time
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Adeptasaurus's favorite FMLs
Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work
by yarenis / 12/24/2013 at 5:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 4:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy
Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2011 at 6:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/26/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Daddy / 11/10/2008 at 7:06am / Kids
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