Absolute_Zero

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Absolute_Zero

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9347
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Absolute_Zero : A lover of music, the arts, and the humorous portrayal of others in pain - therefore, I visit this site as well as the Darwin Awards, DeviantART, and YouTube as often as possible. See you there - AZ

Absolute_Zero's page activity

Visits<b>redstone7693</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 5:28pm<b>tepovre</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 6:38am<b>bigjake</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 1:45pm<b>Ev3d11</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 10:42pm<b>Kitty19</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 9:29pm<b>alfonzo</b> - the 06/24/2009 at 12:20pm<b>madxl345</b> - the 06/16/2009 at 11:29pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/26/2009 at 12:53am<b>not2shabby</b> - the 04/08/2009 at 6:49pm

Absolute_Zero's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Absolute_Zero's favorite FMLs

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

by UncleRory / 05/16/2009 at 5:13am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

by MC / 05/14/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

by anon / 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

by Ottawa / 05/12/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

by Karmas3itch / 05/12/2009 at 12:19am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

by anon / 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

by Hallllo / 05/11/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

by newdriver / 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

by airport / 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love