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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Absolute_Zero

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Absolute_Zero
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3336
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Absolute_Zero : A lover of music, the arts, and the humorous portrayal of others in pain - therefore, I visit this site as well as the Darwin Awards, DeviantART, and YouTube as often as possible. See you there - AZ

Absolute_Zero's last visitors

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Absolute_Zero's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Absolute_Zero's favorite FMLs

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

#9184901 (388)

I agree, your life sucks (42935) - you deserved it (4389)

On 03/18/2010 at 11:22am - health - by human torch - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

#9031003 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (11946) - you deserved it (2576)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm - work - by ams (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

#8956566 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (14138) - you deserved it (1491)

On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said that I thought being glassed wouldnt actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

#6856689 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (5578) - you deserved it (20389)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:23pm - misc - by itstillhurts (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

#6298765 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (12806) - you deserved it (21363)

On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

#5224172 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (50118) - you deserved it (2484)

On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (28995) - you deserved it (4724)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (10321)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

#5144800 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (8999) - you deserved it (34430)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

#5141250 (230)

I agree, your life sucks (33112) - you deserved it (3394)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by comet5002 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a new bike for college. Excited, I decided to go on a bike ride. A couple blocks away, I got hit by a car. The truck pulled over and a man got out and put my bike in his truck and drove off. I had to crawl/limp back home. FML

#5012719 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (42878) - you deserved it (1808)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by collegebike (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (43958) - you deserved it (9665)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

#4299619 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (33479) - you deserved it (56066)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (51105) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

#3935872 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (47927) - you deserved it (2193)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:17pm - kids - by GabsAlot829 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)