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ALyte

Offline (the 12/13/2014 at 8:20am) | Search for a member

ALyte

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 February 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 579
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ALyte's page activity

Visits<b>HanselSuHan</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 10:23am<b>starcravingmad</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 1:14am<b>Trinidad727</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 8:09pm<b>FrankHotpants</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 5:19pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 4:18pm<b>BrotherTheo</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 3:57pm<b>surprisefuka</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:24pm<b>mixedone223</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:17pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 11:05pm<b>6dandaman5</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 8:36pm<b>jjmiller1985</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 1:46am<b>L2PlayWoW</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 5:38am<b>ckyorelse</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 6:12pm<b>WiseGuy79</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 7:35am<b>emily1015</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:52pm<b>JMichael</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 7:13am<b>kansah</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 7:55am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 6:29am

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ALyte's favorite FMLs

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24670) - you deserved it (32363)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47122) - you deserved it (4012)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44030) - you deserved it (4144)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59336) - you deserved it (6550)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51105) - you deserved it (4870)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36619) - you deserved it (3837)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

#20184714
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26907) - you deserved it (2927)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17978) - you deserved it (42191)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24077) - you deserved it (2798)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

#19905347
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7781) - you deserved it (36394)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm - kids - by momolee (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21755) - you deserved it (2914)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

#19759587
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24422) - you deserved it (1826)

On 06/09/2012 at 9:54am - health - by WTF (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30757) - you deserved it (7436)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

#19685712
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25857) - you deserved it (1836)

On 05/26/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by anonymus - Canada (Ontario)



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