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ALyte

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ALyte
  • Town/Country : Oregon, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 February 1988 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 239
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ALyte's last visitors

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ALyte's FML badges

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

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ALyte's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44911) - you deserved it (3521)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40730) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53234) - you deserved it (5066)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46775) - you deserved it (4123)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31831) - you deserved it (3396)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

#20184714
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21607) - you deserved it (2094)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17122) - you deserved it (40578)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18027) - you deserved it (1899)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

#19905347
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5882) - you deserved it (26015)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm - kids - by momolee (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17646) - you deserved it (2145)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

#19759587
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23114) - you deserved it (1729)

On 06/09/2012 at 9:54am - health - by WTF (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27551) - you deserved it (6900)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

#19685712
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (1575)

On 05/26/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by anonymus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

#19443098
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25251) - you deserved it (4749)

On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - misc - by uhhh what? - United States (Washington)



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