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Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10612) - you deserved it (35170)
On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (46662) - you deserved it (2985)
On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46750) - you deserved it (127709)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54176) - you deserved it (25122)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by johnfrank (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (460233) - you deserved it (571813)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (460233) - you deserved it (571813)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (54165) - you deserved it (5261)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59469) - you deserved it (5943)
On 02/14/2009 at 7:38pm - misc - by NeverCampingAgain (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (6412)
On 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Shamu (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23756) - you deserved it (337732)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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