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8313girl's favorite FMLs
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by Jmdezy / 04/05/2016 at 11:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend moved in with me. I just walked into my kitchen to find my thirty year-old, perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet completely submerged in soapy water in the sink, presumably from last night when he washed the dishes. FML
by miss_strauss / 01/25/2016 at 1:21pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by wtfiswronghere / 12/08/2015 at 1:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by CaraMaria / 11/24/2015 at 4:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Walter / 10/23/2015 at 11:17pm / Spain / Intimacy
Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML
by BryanTazed / 08/22/2015 at 8:21am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
by notwhatithought / 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm / Germany (Bayern) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work
by fat and broke / 06/28/2015 at 3:17am / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML
by witchybaby89 / 05/25/2015 at 10:50pm / United States / Work
Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by spitty / 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML
by Pandistoteles / 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm / United States / Kids