About 82681 : I was an extremely uncool twelve year old just like you.
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82681's favorite FMLs
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML
by JJ_V3N0M / 01/03/2015 at 5:48am / United States (California) / Love
by BowTiesAr3Cool / 12/25/2014 at 11:36am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML
by the long distance guy / 04/08/2014 at 3:56am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by wtfjusthappened / 01/31/2014 at 10:29am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by MarBlu / 01/23/2014 at 7:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Animals
Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML
by MyUsernameIsBest / 11/12/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to… Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I…