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50011680

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50011680

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  • Number of visits : 170
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>italianlexi</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 7:44pm<b>KMJ_Reverse</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 3:47pm<b>Whistlingkettle</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 2:42pm

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50011680's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28617) - you deserved it (2998)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31529) - you deserved it (9335)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (4167)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34547) - you deserved it (3715)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

#21245941
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33225) - you deserved it (3883)

On 08/26/2014 at 6:55pm - misc - by Lika1712 (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

#21121256
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34714) - you deserved it (4862)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm - misc - by Quackadoodledoo (man) - United Kingdom (Barnet)

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34327) - you deserved it (7142)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42423) - you deserved it (5942)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55881) - you deserved it (4422)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44542) - you deserved it (8389)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20357) - you deserved it (51093)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39135) - you deserved it (10337)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

#20511181
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33972) - you deserved it (5289)

On 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by daniel55 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

#20473605
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27667) - you deserved it (5651)

On 01/22/2013 at 7:29pm - work - by milkshake - United States (Texas)



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