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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3447) - you deserved it (19436)
On 03/08/2010 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by BNLM - United States
Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (3953)
On 03/03/2010 at 4:18pm - misc - by uHazFailedTotall - Norway (Rogaland)
Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20832) - you deserved it (2690)
On 02/28/2010 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (1326)
On 02/26/2010 at 7:39pm - misc - by 0867142 - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (6857)
On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45601) - you deserved it (2034)
Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12522) - you deserved it (2384)
On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12522) - you deserved it (2384)
On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8326) - you deserved it (27154)
On 02/25/2010 at 4:42am - love - by OmniVore (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13076) - you deserved it (3488)
On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17102) - you deserved it (4720)
On 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm - intimacy - by sadsexer23 - United States (Virginia)
Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14674) - you deserved it (3572)
On 02/15/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14339) - you deserved it (1281)
On 02/11/2010 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by yourstruly - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14069) - you deserved it (3957)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2945) - you deserved it (43956)
On 02/10/2010 at 1:39am - animals - by AUDONEE (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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