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Mobility
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Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17522) - you deserved it (1823)
On 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19991) - you deserved it (2640)
On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (1530)
On 04/17/2012 at 1:37pm - health - by Merlin - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24461) - you deserved it (1904)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6749) - you deserved it (21852)
On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)
Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15387) - you deserved it (1420)
On 03/29/2012 at 11:19am - misc - by a - United States
Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14384) - you deserved it (7004)
On 03/27/2012 at 1:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16757) - you deserved it (2845)
On 03/26/2012 at 8:17pm - work - by ramis182 - United States (Washington)
Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19472) - you deserved it (2822)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:28am - work - by titillating (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24070) - you deserved it (2984)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17302) - you deserved it (16210)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17844) - you deserved it (2055)
On 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23092) - you deserved it (2156)
On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - work - by cero_kewl - United States
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32955) - you deserved it (19748)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23017) - you deserved it (6919)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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