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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
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Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35121) - you deserved it (4874)
On 06/09/2009 at 3:39pm - work - by IronMonkey (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49871) - you deserved it (2021)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by TheJoker (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9814) - you deserved it (53882)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:15pm - work - by Loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62934) - you deserved it (19147)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States
Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50520) - you deserved it (2255)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64181) - you deserved it (158193)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML
I agree, your life sucks (52221) - you deserved it (4345)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by nhanley1 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26040) - you deserved it (57133)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83234) - you deserved it (23673)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67100) - you deserved it (22272)
On 03/18/2009 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Opplyst11 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50017) - you deserved it (5483)
On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68942) - you deserved it (20086)
On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31728) - you deserved it (1383)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by TGIkaty - United States (California)
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28587) - you deserved it (7081)
On 11/28/2008 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Sam - Sent from mobile version
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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