I like things.
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42300) - you totally deserved it (10226)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, through AIM, I told my ex boyfriend that I still have really deep feelings for him. The message I sent him was really long and took me almost an hour to write. His response? "Dun dun dunnn, the plot thickens!" Then he signed off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33669) - you totally deserved it (16702)
On 07/07/2009 at 12:04am - love - by Ferthington (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11617) - you totally deserved it (31685)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42268) - you totally deserved it (2071)
On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13132) - you totally deserved it (39204)
On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10176) - you totally deserved it (30582)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you totally deserved it (5912)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)
Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33397) - you totally deserved it (3017)
On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12257) - you totally deserved it (46245)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6223) - you totally deserved it (33749)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14017) - you totally deserved it (29865)
On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you totally deserved it (7177)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - kids - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13433) - you totally deserved it (61907)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51766) - you totally deserved it (3355)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (102986) - you totally deserved it (8937)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
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