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23lf's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
by jkim / 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Thanks guys / 11/26/2013 at 12:21am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Kay / 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm / India (Andhra Pradesh) / Intimacy
by reyoflight / 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
by Leashaness / 09/15/2012 at 7:07am / United States / Health
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML
by nearlythere / 09/30/2011 at 12:50am / Australia / Transportation
Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML
by blackandblue / 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by ew. / 08/17/2010 at 12:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML
by Dreadge / 01/15/2010 at 2:37pm / Israel (Hefa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 2:09am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love