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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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19fml18

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19fml18
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1299
  • Number of comments : 75
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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19fml18's favorite FMLs

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

#6435507 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (8311) - you deserved it (34874)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

#6212555 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (18708) - you deserved it (10125)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm - health - by Poopyhead (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

#6126776 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (12046) - you deserved it (2350)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (3892)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

#5908509 (326)

I agree, your life sucks (12438) - you deserved it (21656)

On 10/20/2009 at 1:26am - love - by gamergirlfriend (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

#5903153 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (13868) - you deserved it (2296)

On 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by JohnB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (34136) - you deserved it (2117)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML

#5618534 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (28171) - you deserved it (2964)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (2329)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (10872)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

#5518308 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (17882) - you deserved it (2187)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by NiHao (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

#5504838 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (6083) - you deserved it (31504)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by absentmindedmoron (man) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

#5419115 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (1690)

On 09/22/2009 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

#5049999 (590)

I agree, your life sucks (84475) - you deserved it (17442)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

#4789213 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (11086) - you deserved it (39535)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)