12157114

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Offline (the 11/28/2016 at 9:01pm)

12157114

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 428
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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12157114's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

by 19collegestudentandpregant / 09/26/2014 at 6:07pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

by idiotson / 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

by Harry / 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

by PCJJacket / 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

by Sam / 05/04/2014 at 2:12am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

by wah wah "you raised him" / 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

by Sue Ellen / 04/21/2014 at 11:43am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2014 at 7:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

by IcyWinter / 04/02/2014 at 4:16am / Canada (Manitoba) / Kids

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health