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007type's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
007type's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML
by whoreticulturalist / 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML
by katier8295 / 10/27/2012 at 8:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:20am / United States / Kids
by Cslouth / 10/27/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Kids
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
by fiftyshardsofbroccoli / 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:24am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML
by familyofpsychos / 10/26/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML
by sadbride / 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm / Bahamas (New Providence) / Miscellaneous
by mental / 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 5:58am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
by winterbee123 / 10/25/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…