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007type's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
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007type's favorite FMLs
Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
by Pissed / 10/05/2011 at 11:29am / Australia / Kids
by toughbf / 09/27/2011 at 4:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by jccwell / 09/23/2011 at 12:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 6:39am / Australia / Intimacy
by squeak / 09/12/2011 at 9:52am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals
Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML
by fashionista1787 / 09/11/2011 at 11:23pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by I_dislike_Twilight / 09/08/2011 at 8:52am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 12:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML
by IRum / 08/11/2011 at 4:45am / Russian Federation / Kids
by life_isnt_fair / 03/09/2011 at 3:27am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by ouch / 03/08/2011 at 10:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML
by pinchy / 03/06/2011 at 10:00pm / United States (California) / Love
by 5minsolder / 02/07/2011 at 8:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / Belgium / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…