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007type's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
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007type's favorite FMLs
by scarred for life / 09/21/2012 at 6:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML
by for_fs_sake / 09/21/2012 at 6:56am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Kids
by tiredeolfatty / 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
by MistressSuzuka / 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, as I left work for the parking lot, I noticed two full trashbags duct-taped to my car. They were marked as my property. According to the note left on my windshield, my ex-roommate thought he'd be kind enough to bring my things to me to save me the trip. FML
by Snickerfritz / 09/20/2012 at 5:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML
by GN / 09/17/2012 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm / New Zealand (Otago) / Health
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
by thefuckman / 09/14/2012 at 3:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by lonely one / 09/14/2012 at 6:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML
by TallGal / 09/14/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:46pm / United Kingdom / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…