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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31902) - you deserved it (5620)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30269) - you deserved it (3666)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27463) - you deserved it (3112)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

#21320716
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31855) - you deserved it (4158)

On 12/20/2014 at 2:33am - love - by qyx3lmnop24 - United States (California)

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

#21319982
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (3947)

On 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm - love - by I warned him - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

#21319715
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31415) - you deserved it (4615)

On 12/18/2014 at 12:59pm - love - by peteto818 (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

#21319659
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31945) - you deserved it (3111)

On 12/18/2014 at 10:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31732) - you deserved it (2845)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30961) - you deserved it (8197)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

#21317613
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31023) - you deserved it (5233)

On 12/14/2014 at 10:22pm - love - by lonesome - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33047) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML



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